false alarm. still invincible.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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