im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
