david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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