Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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