Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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