And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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