Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
