so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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