woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
