he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
