i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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