I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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