Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
