I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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