Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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