Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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