His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
