new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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