Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
