He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
