FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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