Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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