i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
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we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize