I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
