Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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