I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
