can we get nightvision for the apartment?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
