she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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