I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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