Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
