It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
