i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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