Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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