Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
