i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
