When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
