Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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