my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
