the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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