Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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