in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
