Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
