I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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