Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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