Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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