Can i not drive my cunt home
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
