Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
