Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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