Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
