If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
