Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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