Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
