Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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