sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
