We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
