she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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