This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
