Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
3pm strippers are depressing
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
