I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
