he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
