I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
