This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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