his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
