Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
