Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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