I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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