My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
